@@@@@If he touched him he would be killedBut it
@@@@@If he touched him he would be killedBut it seemed unbelievable
He could not go back nowIt was impossible to turn his body around without making some small sound, enough in any case to alert the machine gunnerAnd it was impossible to pass him; the trail skirted the lip of the machine-gun emplacementHe would have to kill himEven at the thought Martinez's overpitched senses rebelledHe lay there shuddering, conscious suddenly of how weak, how tired, he feltThere seemed no strength, no capacity for effort left in his limbsHe was reduced to peering through the foliage at the moonlight on the soldier's faceAt any moment the machine gunner might stand up and go to awaken the next man for his turn at guard, and he would be discoveredHe had to kill him right away
And again there seemed something wrong in his calculationsHe felt that if only he could shake his head or flex his limbs this would become clear to him, but now he was caughtMartinez reached back for his trench knife, slipped it softly out of the scabbardThe handle felt uncomfortable in his palm, alien; although he had used it a hundred times for other purposes, opening cans or cutting something, he did not know how to hold it nowThe blade kept reflecting a sliver of moonlight, and he held it under his forearm at last, staring with terrified stricken eyes at the soldier in the gun holeAlready he felt as if he knew him well; each of his slow leisurely motions traced a familiar route in Martinez's mind -- as the Jap picked at his nose delicately a grin was wrenched from Martinez's mouthHe was not even aware of it except for the fatigue in his cheek muscles
I go kill him, he commanded himself, but nothing happenedHe remained lying on the ground with the knife concealed beneath his arm, the damp earth of the trail chilling his body slowlyAt alternate instants he felt in fever and then coldThe moment had become unreal to him again, and he had the qualified controlled terror that he knew in his nightmaresIt was not real, and he shuddered once more, thinking of turning backSlowly -- it took him over a minute -- he got to his hands and knees, brought one foot under him, and swayed there, no more certain of attacking or retreating than a coin on edge about to fal